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14 days alone

By Tineke Ziemer

June 9^th, 2019

change of plans

I was supposed to go too. But due to some unfortunate complications, I was forced to miss the once-in-a-lifetime trip that my family had been planning for a year. I've never stayed home alone for more than a couple of nights before. I'm usually the one out gallivanting, not the other way around!

I knew this meant serious business. I needed a distraction! I needed something to take my mind off of the empty house and the lonely feeling of not being able to have any contact with my family while they were out exploring the backwoods without wifi.

So I developed a 14 day photography challenge and got 20 other photographers to do it with me. Between creating the daily challenges, taking my own photo and critiquing 20 other images each day, I was BUSY. Add on top of that all the other editing and marking I had to do for clients, as well as the extra household chores, and the time flew by faster than I could say "where did everyone go?"

Here is a look at my collection of photography created during this time. One photo a day for 14 days. A journey through my longest time being home alone in my life!

To see what the other 20 photographers put out, check out the group post here.

day 1 - "hold your fire"

Our theme was to "light something on fire."

I did one photo of my hand. (I'm realizing that it really sucks not having my family home! With no models to be seen, I'm going to be doing a lot of self-portraits! haha) And I did separate photos of the flames. I used Photoshop to combine the images for the end result.

Here is the meaning behind the image:

I truly believe that personal growth often comes through trials and tribulations. Going through hard times produces character. It can develop us into more humble, forgiving, loving, flexible people if we let it. However, it's human nature to want to avoid troubles and I find that my prayers are often for my family to be safe, to avoid trouble, to have it easy. That slogan "hold your fire" really made me think about the fact that sometimes we only become who we are meant to be by standing in the flames and letting them burn away the cold, dead, frozen parts of ourselves. What's revealed underneath is our true potential: the more vulnerable, but more authentic person we are meant to be. So, my message is to say, "Don't immediately run from the hard stuff in life. Sometimes we need to hear the truth even when it hurts. Sometimes we need to go through tough times to release our cold outter shell. Sometimes we need to pray for strength to hold onto the fire so it can melt away whatever is holding us back."

Inspired by Romans 5:3-5

Day 2 - "Sigh"

Our theme was to take an item of clothing from our closet, or a piece of paper, and use it as a backdrop outside behind our subject.

I found this project to be addicting. I was like, "okay I got my shot, just one more for fun." And then I'd walk around the yard and try another plant with a different colour. And then say, "okay just one more." And so on. Until I was being eaten alive by mosquitoes. haha

day 3 - "Can't Stop now"

Our theme was to choose an emoji that represents how we feel right now, on this day. I was feeling focused, driven, determined to keep moving forward while my family was gone. We had to create a photo that represented that emoji and post it with nothing but the title. The rest of the group had to post emojis in the comment section to guess what it was. Mine was the persevering face.

After it was guessed correctly, we could fill everyone in on why we chose it. Here's what I said:

Right now, in my life, I’m persevering. I’m not giving up. Sure, MMA is one part of that (I have two tests this week so I’m working hard every day.), but mostly this is symbolism for not giving up in general. I’m referring to how my body, my injuries, and my deteriorating health could hold me back from my goals, from my career, from being happy...but I won’t let it. I’m pressing on. One day at a time. Persevering in the treatment plans I’m on, even though it will be at least a year before we know if it helped... but I can’t quit now. I can’t let this stop me. Every day is another day to create, strive, achieve, live, love, heal. I’m so grateful!

(Btw, I passed both of my tests so now there's a grey belt in the house! Black belt, here I come!)

day 4 - "All I have to give is enough"

Our theme was "Inside Out."

This is one of those photos that came to me. I didn't go seeking to find it. In fact, it's been unfolding for a long time now and I'm afraid it will be hard to find the words to describe it, but I will try.

I'm usually a very energetic, competent and productive person. My whole life I've had these neverending batteries that don't run out. It has allowed me to accomplish a lot and I have clung to that as my identity. I had so much to give. So much to offer!

The past 8 months all that has changed as I battle health problems that have left me completely depleted of energy. I have wrestled with this person I've become, the one who needs several breaks a day, the one who can't handle the simplest things some days, the one who takes days to recover from something that would never have phased her before. I have hated this person, and to be honest, I still do.

Instead of having much to give others, I have had to take from others. They are more than willing to give, but I have fought a battle with guilt for being less of myself than I used to be. I'm afraid, so afraid, that the real me will never come back. I feel like I am letting everyone down by not giving them as much as I used to.

Yesterday morning, as this was running through my mind, suddenly God showed me something very profound. He reminded me of a story in the Bible. It's very short, only a couple of verses, but it changed my whole perspective.

Mark 12:41-44

"Sitting across from the offering box, Jesus was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins—a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, “The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they’ll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford—she gave her all.”

In that split second, I understood that it wasn't about how MUCH I gave. There are no measuring cups in God's kingdom. He looks at the heart, and the inside, not the outside. It is about my willingness to give whatever I have to give. Just like in the story, how much of myself I could give was completely dependent on what I HAD to give. The Lord showed me that in the past when I gave a lot, it was easy for me to give it, just like the rich people in the story. I still had energy to spare. But now, when I have so little to give, it's not worth less. Quite the opposite. It's more valuable because I'm giving everything I have left.

Every day we are given a certain amount. And that's all we have to give. No more and no less. Just that. And that is enough.

Day 5 - "The strength of a warrior"

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

My gorgeous friend Andrea came over and modelled for me for this project. I'm grateful!

Recently, Andrea and I were a part of an amazing spiritual experience and were able to help many people (ourselves included) to fight spiritual warfare and have massive breakthroughs. I seen an incredible strength in Andrea that came from the Holy Spirit. When she realized the power the Lord gave her to OVERCOME, life-changing things happened in her and through her.

Our theme today was to shine light through something and make patterns with shadows.

day 6 - the music has returned

Our theme was "A Match Made in Heaven."

My son is home for the evening after being gone most of the week. The music has returned to our home with him. When he walks in the front door, his first stop is the fridge, and the second is the garage that we converted into a music room.

These hands are incredibly talented, and with them, he shares who he is with the world.

Josiah is not big on talking about his feelings. But he plays music with his heart. For hours every day I will hear the thumping of drums, tinkling of the keys as he plays a tune by ear on the piano, or the picking of strings on either his bass, accoustic, electric guitar or ukulele. When he thinks no one can hear, he sings. He has a deep, rich voice that gets more refined as he gets older and is less afraid to let it out. He loves to sing the classics like Johnny Horton, Johnny Cash, The Animals and John Denver.

He has taught himself nearly all of these instruments and this is where he goes to have his alone time. He's always been very comfortable on his own.

He plays for his youth band, he plays in school with the concert band, he plays in our own family band. But what I love the most is when he plays just for the pure love of music. Every day. And my ears are blessed by the sound of it.

I haven't cried for missing my family. I've been too busy! But today, when he came home and started walking around the house, plucking out the most beautiful sounds on his guitar, my eyes teared up with how much I have missed having music in my home this past week.

He is off again tomorrow, so I am soaking up every second of his heart-strums. Because my boy and his guitar are truly a match made in heaven.

day 7 - the promise of brighter days ahead

In case you can't read the script, it says:

"May God give you

For every storm - a rainbow

For every tear - a smile

For every care - a promise

and a blessing in each trial."

- An Irish Prayer

day 8 - "where there's a will, there's a way"

"For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail." - Princess Sassy Pants & Co.

The title of the image describes perfectly the series of challenges I faced in pulling of this composite. First, coming with an idea for the "floating" theme. Everything I wanted to do was too complicated to pull off as a self-portrait.

I eventually thought of the balloon idea and ran to Safeway to buy one. I met another photographer from the group, Christine, at the park late in the evening to pull these off. Somehow along the way, my remote shutter release fell out of my bag and has never been seen again. If you have any information about it's whereabouts, please call CRIMESTOPPERS! Thankfully, after I set up the camera on tripod, metered, manually focused and ran up the hill into position, Christine pushed the button for me.

I hadn't anticipated the wind being a problem, but boy, was it ever a pain in the butt! It kept blowing the balloon downwards, sideways, any direction except upwards where I needed it to go. These shots were taken frantically whenever the wind would die down for a second or two.

And boy did I get my workout. Climbing on things, jumping off in the air, lying down, standing on tippy toes, running back and forth between the hill and the camera.

Thank goodness it was an easy edit, because by the time we pulled this off and I got home, my time was running short before our midnight deadline. I was pretty happy with how they turned out!

day 9 - "from dust to dust"

Our theme was to change the colour of our subject. By this point I had been modelling for myself almost every day, so I figured why not. With my remote shutter off on its own adventure somewhere, I had to use the timer on my camera.

From the earth we were created and to the earth we shall return.

day 10 - "i'm sticking with you"

Our theme was something we are thankful for.

Right now, it's just me and Freesia holding down the fort while everyone else is away. We are two peas in a pod. Best buddies. Every day, when I need a break from editing, I go out and lay on the deck in the sunshine and she comes out with me and we have some snuggle time. This dog loves physical touch. She always has to be touching me in some way, usually with her paw on my hand or foot, but when I'm down on the ground, she prefers to try and get her entire body as close to me as possible. We're in this together and we have each other, and that's something I'm pretty grateful for. My little bugga-boo.

day 11 - "Eating for two"

Our theme was "Utensils & Shadows."

While everyone was away, I also gave myself the challenge of eating clean for the full 14 days. No sugar or sweeteners of any kind, no snacks or processed food. So eating was on my mind!

Faith is setting up my little studio near the window even though there was no sunlight to be seen on this rainy day in Quesnel. Wisdom is having a lamp ready just in case. Belief is thanking God when the sun came out just as I was ready to start shooting and went away as soon as I finished.

I wanted something simple and my challenge was to use forks, because I find the elegant lines so intriguing. I was inpsired to create a photo in which the shadow was different than the object. In this case, two forks instead of one.

I could play with this project for days but I only had about 20 minutes. This was addicting! It was also really nice not to be in my own photos for once!

day 12 - solitude

Our theme was "I have a confession to make."

It turns out, I actually love living alone.

Shhhhhh! Don't tell my family!

They'll be home tomorrow.

This was simple, clean and easy - just like living alone.

Of course, I'm thrilled to see my family tomorrow, but this experience of being alone for 2 weeks has opened my eyes to the possibilities. I'm okay being with myself. I actually started to love myself more these past two weeks. It's been an experience.

day 13 - "Temporary pleasures"

Our theme was to go for a walk and find the beauty in old junk.

This is one of my absolute favourite things to do. This was the most relaxing photo challenge for me. I find it so personally satisfying to look at the stuff other people consider ugly and find something beautiful. Not only that, but second to people photography, I most love taking photos of people's old stuff. I sense the stories in the discarded items, the people who touched them and used them before. I am always emotionally impacted by exploring an old place or discovering an old thing half buried under weeds and sticks.

While I was enjoying my walk today, relaxing and breathing in the beauty of all the old stuff, a line from a song kept running through my head. It was quite awhile before I became consciously aware of what the words were and realized, it was perfect for this challenge.

"Our most coveted treasures are really only temporary pleasures." - Colton Dixon, Fool's Gold

For me, this project is about putting our desire for material possessions into the right perspective. One day, some photographer of the future is going to be walking around taking photos of my junk. And that's all it will be. Tossed out, discarded, unused, and while it hold its own beauty, it's a good reminder that stuff is only stuff. It's what we do with it, it's who we are inside, it's what we do with our time on earth, that really lasts beyond.

I got all of this done earlier in the day so I can clean the house and get groceries before my family arrives home.

day 14 - "Going up in smoke"

My family is home! The house is a mess. Everyone is so loud. My brain is going in circles. I still have one more photo-a-day project to get through.

At 2:30 this afternoon, I still didn't know what to do for the smoke theme. I asked my daughter what I should do, and together we came up with the idea to do a superhero composite. We have been dreaming about doing a series of composites using elemental fantasty for a long time, so I said, "Let's do it today with smoke!" So we began creating a character who uses smoke as her weapon. It was great fun. The description below of Kohl was written by Mikayla, who also modeled for the project and brought our character to life. (There are some serious advantages to having her home!)

This involved two trips downtown for the background photos: one for the alleyway during the daylight hours and one for the street light at night. The rest of the images were created in my house and composited together.

I honestly had NO idea if I could pull off an entire composite in half a day. It took me 9 hours. I've always taken weeks to plan and execute a composite in the past, so this was a total shot in the dark. Literally - I have also never done a "nightime" scene, so that was tricky in itself. I'm sure there are lots of things I could fix, but I posted at 11:44pm and I just got it in by the skin of my teeth.

This ended up being the biggest project of this challenge and the one I am most happy with. Having my beautiful daughter home is an inspiration to me. She is my muse. Not only that, but while I was busy working my butt off on this project, my husband made dinner and fed the family. It turns out, I really can't live without them! They bring out the best in me and spur me on to greater things.

"Meet Kohl. She’s a vigilante who has the power to create and manipulate smoke. As a day job, she works as a secretary in corporations, but she’s secretly looking into her bosses to find corruption in the seemingly innocent leaders. During the cover of darkness, she switches roles into an assassin who kills to purge these type of people from the world."

transformation

I don't know how to describe it, but something happened on this two week journey that helped me to remember who I am, what I have to offer, and what I am capable of. When my family left, I was unwell, somber, exhausted. When they returned, they found me with energy, life, a spark in my eye that has been missing for quite some time.

It turns out that God knew what I needed all along. If you haven't done it lately, I recommend you take 14 days alone. Allow yourself to be with yourself. And see what happens.